I have a confession to make...I am a real life shopaholic! Last night, after many many months of trying not to think about money I finally pulled my head out of the sand and added up just how much I owe. You see it's one thing to be a shopaholic if you only spend money you have, but if it all comes from borrowed money there comes a time when it's got to be paid back. That time is now! I can't go on any longer avoiding checking my bank statement or spending on my credit cards. Today is day 1 of what has to be a new me, without a drastic change and kick up the arse I will just get deeper and deeper into debt. So, here it is...you ready for it? My name is Ella, I am 32 years old and I owe in the region of £38,000.
Where's it all gone? Well, half of that amount is tied up in my home, so could be paid off if I sold up, but then I'd be homeless, so that's not an option. The other half is what I've spent in the last 2 years. Crazy I know, especially as I could have spent so much less if I'd just had counselling. How so? Shopping made me feel good, always has. I've never had savings, so always used a credit card when I wanted to buy something and I'd pay it off eventually. Over my adult years I've just about managed to keep it under control, that was until just under 2 years ago when my father died. I stopped thinking so much about controlling things and concentrated on shopping as an effective distraction from the grief I was feeling.
Why tell the world about it? I need to tell someone! It feels like my dirty little secret that family and friends don't know about, I'd be too ashamed to admit how much of a mess I'm in. Besides, I'm only telling the world if someone actually reads this! Other than that, I need to get these thoughts out of my head and written down somewhere. That way I can read them whenever I like and not forget the mess I've made of my life and how vital it is for me to SORT IT OUT!!!
I'm at a point now where I can barely afford to make the monthly payments, so as well as working my full time job I must find a way of earning more money. If I get a second job, spend bugger all, and pay off as much as I can each month I may just about see light at the end of the tunnel in around 2 years, maybe a bit longer. I can't bare the thought of it taking much longer.
Right...my heart rate is now through the roof, my stomach feels sick - I think that's just about enough for now. Time to get on with my work anyway. In between I need to come up with some ideas for extra money.
